October 21, 2007, Sunday

It’s been 14 months since Lydia went to be with the Lord.

We miss Lydia and think of her all the time.

All the time.

Days and nights.

Take today as an example.

Every moment.

All the moments.

I did not feel any moment that I was not thinking of her. And when I thought of her, still tremendous pain in my mind and heart. Still like sharp knife piercing through my heart. Wow, the grieving does take a lot out of me.

Just yesterday, I heard something really good.

“One day at a time.” That is good, when we are having tough time.

“Live everyday just like it’s your last day of life.” That is pretty good too, and that is probably also too good. The last day just won’t come that easy or that soon.

“Live everyday as it’s the best day in your life.” And that is the best.

I thought I would start to do that yesterday. And yet, today I had terrible time. Roller coaster ride was never enjoyable to me. Especially the ride has continued for far too many months by now.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, well guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

The two verses I have been so familiar since I was a kid. But hear it again today from the sermon, truly reminded me and encouraged me. “All understanding…”, and that is so precious.

Went out with mom in the evening to get some food to feed the girls. Mom shared with me that she was not doing too good recently. I was not surprised. I was the same way.

I have to warn myself again and again. When the pain came from the death of the loved child, how to deal with it is very important. Otherwise, it could easily lead to another tragedy. That was why we saw some terrible things happened to some people again and again. That was very unfortunate. Ought to cling to the Lord for the rest of our life. And it was not easy.

Very slippery.

Still, need to cling to the Lord…