My birthday falls exactly half way between Lydia’s birthday and the date of her passing. Isn’t that saddest arrangement I could ever think of ?

For years, we always like to talk about that, out of six in the family, only Lydia and daddy have the same birth month, everybody else has different birth month.

Last year, I had the hardest birthday in my life. Lydia’s condition has not been well…

Actually, Lydia was doing better that particular day (so to make me happy? or gave me a birthday present in that way? She certainly had no ability to prepare any birthday present for me like every year in the past…) She even tried to sing birthday song to me when only siblings were around that evening. She sang quite clearly, I did not know how she did it. She could not pronounce B or P by that time. She covered her mouth and hands inside the hospital blanket. I think she used her fingers to close up her lips when singing B and P…

After my birthday last year, Lydia’s conditions took biggest fall and never recovered…

These memories were extremely painful simply to think about. Not mention to write it up…

This is the way I celebrate my own birthday? Aching heart and very upset guts with deepest sorrow and awfully depressed emotion?

Mom and girls are doing very well, no mention of birthday in any form. This is just another August grieving day…

I need God’s mercy… and grace…