May 6, 2007, Sunday

This year’s American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life event is only five days away. For couple weeks, mom kept asking me put a video clip together so that we can show it at the Relay. However, I kept putting off. I knew it’s going to be very difficult to view the footage. That is why I am still not able to touch them at all since I took last year. There are a lot of tapes, many hours of footage recording Lydia’s brave fight facing the dreadful cancer toward the end of her life.

Thinking of tomorrow is Monday, a workday, I took the courage to try to look at the video this evening. I took out one video tape which I took at Lydia’s swimming championship competition last July (about hundreds of people’s standing ovation). Mom was aware I was going to view the video so she stopped by and watched with me. Only after a few minutes, we were both torn terribly. Could not continue. Mom screamed out “please turn it off” and walked away. My tears dripped to the camcorder and tapes while I put them away…

We wanted to arrange all these video but we could not do it. It’s just way too difficult. TOO DIFFICULT.

Afterwards, I was so sad that I have to escape to Lydia’s gravesite (it’s nice it’s only couple miles from home) and mourned terribly there.

Wow, it’s tough job to keep Lydia’s memory alive. If we could not overcome our weakness and sorrow, how can we present to the world about her courage and her ultimate faith.

I don’t know. We just could not work on the video footage YET. Need to continue praying about it.

I am thinking. Nobody likes sad things to happen. But they happen all the time, and everywhere, even in the most powerful, most prosperous country, almost heaven (to many people in the world), here, in the US.

God must allow them to happen. Why? To give us the perspectives and remind us about the true meaning and value of life, and our destiny...

Then, He uses Lydia…