April 8, 2007, Sunday

It’s the first Easter after Lydia passed away.

Of course, this weekend has been difficult for us. But, it’s also very comforting and full of hope.

In the Good Friday special meeting, we sang many hymns about the Passion, the cross, and the Crucifixion. The music, the lyrics, simply brought us too many tears. And, it’s comforting to remind ourselves that we are now participating in the suffering of Christ. (1 Peter 4:13)

Without suffering of our own, how could we appreciate God’s grace and His suffering for the sake of our salvation?

To sacrifice the life of the only son for others? (John 3:16) That is even more impossible.

Now I have experienced the death of my own child. I can tell frankly that I am much rather to sacrifice my own life, instead of my child’s. It’s so much more difficult to sacrifice my child for others. The pain, the reluctance, the anger, and the emotion, are just unbearable.

Often, I would hope Lydia’s death and her story could touch the hearts of people who we are trying very hard to convert. Some told us they were changed because of her. We were overjoyed and comforted. Some showed their ignorance and decision not to believe what we preach in front of us simply ached us beyond description. Did Lydia die in vain? That is exactly the feeling I had.

For so many choose to be alienated from God, although God has sacrificed His son for them. I can now somewhat feel what God is feeling. The wrath must be huge. And the thought makes me shiver.

And now Christ Jesus has risen. That is the only hope I have that we all will die and resurrect, and be reunited with Lydia with the Lord forever in heaven. (1 Thessalonians 4:14-17)

Without this hope, I don’t think I have any other reason to live. The life would be totally nonsense.