March 25, 2007, Sunday

I got a flat tire a couple days ago. I was a little surprised. I thought I was protected and immune from this sort of things, so that I can focus on my grieving.

The flat tire accident has not happened to me for more than a decade. That is, never happened since Lydia was born. It’s the first time I used the jack of this 11 year-old vehicle.

While I was changing the vehicle, it was hot, and I was sweating like crazy. I groaned and mourned and felt sad. I was not ready for this. I only had mood for grieving. Change tire? Let the ordinary people, who do not need to grieve, do it. Not me.

However, the Spirit reminded me that the flat tire means the life goes on. I am no difference from anybody in the world. Even the flat tire incidence was in God’s control. Life has to go on, no matter I like it or not.

Esther went to Europe with high school history class. It will be the first time for Esther to leave home for more than ten days. After losing Lydia, we were a little bit concerned. But hey, the worst thing has already happened to the family. What can be worse? If something really bad happens again, need no scare or worry. Lydia is there already, waiting for any of us, whoever the next one is.

Just like a colleague asked me two days ago, “How is life treating you?”

“I have experienced the worst. I am content with whatever situation.” I said.

He sighed and nodded his head.

Similar conversation with another colleague, I said, “It’s really hard to imagine the rest of my life can be any worse than this.”

“Well, it’s hard to say.” He said.

Wow, he is right.

“If it is going to happen, then let it happen. What can I do?” I replied.

I guess it does take courage to go on with all these scary thoughts.

Most importantly, I need to know that the One who is in control, is my heavenly father. He loves me.