March 15, 2007, Thursday

Gifted students (3rd and 4^th grade) research fair of the entire school district was held tonight in the high school. Esther and Deborah have done the research projects several years ago, as well as Lydia. And this year is Priscilla’s turn.

While visiting all the good work and booth, Lydia’s research projects from two year ago, and last year (after two brain surgeries and the radiation therapy) kept coming to my mind. Could not get rid of them.

In the event, we again met a lot of teachers, parents and students. Mom and I kept smiling and talking with others. I am sure we don’t look any different from other parents. But I know I was draining very fast.

Then, after we came home, I could not stand any more. I cried and wept terribly. My sorrow was so huge that my greatest hope was that God would take away my life at the moment so I would not have to suffer this badly. It’s just too difficult to bear. Samething with Mom, with broken heart. She had hard time for the entire day, since she knew we are having the challenge this evening.

This is supposed to be the night of presentation and recognition of the good work of Priscilla and many other gifted kids. But, whew, what a difficult night. Extremely challenged. Almost not able to survive…

This is it. Without God, the intelligence or earthly wisdom have no value or meaning. At the end, sarcastically, it caused us sorrow and grief instead of happiness or honor.

Even as now, late in the night, my heart still aches, I mean PHYSICAL pain in my heart. A little bit of difficulty to breath…

I have to turn my mind to focus on the Lord, knowing everything is in His hand, then I have peace and continue...