March 13, 2007, Tuesday

I got curious about how old when people die.

After some research, I realized that Lydia was at the age the death rate is lowest. Statistically, infant death rate is high, then decreases with age increases. The elementary school age group has the lowest death rate of all the people. Then, death rate increases during the teen age (a lot of motor vehicle accidents). And the rate keeps increasing with the age all the way to the old age. The older we are, the more people died in our age group after teen age.

Of course, statistics is just a number, although it’s a fact, but not applicable to each individual (either alive or dead). But statistics does give us the expectation how things would (or should) happen in general. On top of the expectation, our sinful nature always likes to control. We want predictable future. The western people do have a lot of control in our lives with good education, good wealth, access to good medical care and entertainment. And that makes us very vulnerable to the unexpected disastrous loss.

So, after losing Lydia, if I still like to control my own life, intentionally or subconsciously, I will be the most foolish person in the world.

Don’t dream about the retirement, don’t dream about the children will grow up to be the good citizen with good health, family and career. There is no assurance these will happen.

I pray that God’s will be done, not my will, not statistically predictable situation either.

Hard to take? Yes, and that is what I learned from the Scripture.

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.’ ” James 4:13-15.

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34.

Although sometimes still bitter and negative, most of time I can be content as long as I take one day at a time.

Yes, I am still grieving terribly everyday. And that made me focus on the Lord, all the time. Otherwise, I won’t be able to survive.

And thank God life is not fair or expected, so I can experience God’s grace, that I certainly do not deserve…