February 27, 2007, Tuesday

There was an engineering celebration event today at work. There were a lot of employees in the event. Last year, I attended the same event while Lydia was taking an afternoon nap.

Last year, many people showed their support for me when they saw me. I thanked them and briefly explained what was the upcoming treatment for Lydia. I was still very optimistic back then. Not knowing tough time was still ahead of us…

Thinking about all of these, made me shiver.

We are so useless and powerless. What do we know about tomorrow? None. Everything is in God’s hand. For people who are ambitious and thinking and planning for the future, I would say, better to think how to serve the Lord. Life is short. To fulfill our own dream? Forget about it. Better let God control our life.

What does it mean to let God control our life? During the suffering, now I know better. It’s to give up myself. My own desire and secular dreams are the source of my pain. The more desire I have, the more pain is causing me, since I am incapacitated. Only through God, then I can be proud, or even boast for His greatness.

Without God, honestly, I am nothing. Don’t even bother continue surviving.

For people who do not believe in God and can still continue living, I have to admire them (sarcastically). Actually, I feel sad for them for they do not know what they are doing.