February 11, 2007 Sunday

I missed Lydia so bad this weekend.

I went to bed last night deeply depressed (of course it took a long time to fall asleep), and woke up this morning also deeply depressed (I got up earlier than usual Sunday morning, considering I did not have much sleep for several days already).

For the situation like this, all I wanted to do is hide myself from anybody and sleep if I could.

However, I was scheduled to share an important ministry at today’s Sunday service. I was not feeling well enough to do that. But I had to. In the last minutes, I was even asked to pray in the communion.

Deeply depressed, I did not even have energy to shave my face.

However, the Spirit has helped me in an unspeakable way.

I decided that I would try my best not to let my children suffer because of me, not my wife, not the people around me. I don’t want them to feel bad because of me…

Why? It’s for God, and for He put the burden on me. He has made me suffer.

After the communion, I got on the podium with pretty tiring face, I am sure. I did manage to find a good tie on my shirt. I don’t know how I did. It was a fund raising presentation for a special ministry our church recently started. May God have His way…

Right after the worship, we had to rush to Deborah’s music concert. Last year, Lydia was just transferred to the regular hospital room from ICU that Sunday after her first brain surgery. I left Lydia in the hospital and went to watch Deborah play in the concert. After the concert, took Deborah home, and rushed back to the hospital…

It was a painful memory. Life is full of pain.

In the parking lot of the concert, a lady who we never met each other, somehow recognized me and know my name. She has been following Lydia’s story. She lighted me up with the words of encouragement. I thanked her as she drove away…

Wow, Isn’t God nice…

I am still saddened and heavy in my heart at this moment, and not sure when I can fall asleep tonight. But I live to serve Him. Who said life has to be enjoyable? Many people’s lives are not.

If God’s name can be glorified, then that is the value and purpose of my life.