December 31, 2006, Sunday

The last day of year 2006, the most difficult year of my life. I am glad it’s over.

I missed Lydia so much. I missed her so much that majority of my energy was consumed in grieving. The strength which kept me going was that I need to obey God and live for Him.

We attended a few parties during last several days. I met some new friends. One said to me,

“Your kids are in college or already grown up?” He asked me.

“Oh, no, my oldest is only in high school and youngest is only eight years old.” I continued, “I aged a lot in the past year, because my daughter was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and she passed away six months later.”

“Oh, sure, that would do it. I am really sorry…” he replied.

Another conversation in different party,

“You guys are all OK now? Recovered from the grieving?” A friend from out of town, said to me while I was laughing looking at children playing.

“Well, it’s only been several month.” I said, “From what I read, it would take at least two or three years for the pain to be somewhat easier.”

“Oh…” She said, “It’s hard.”

I have also heard from some people (trying to sympathize) lost the loved ones recently but mostly grandparents and elder parents. Next moment, they could talk about the football in a great excitement.

Maybe I am biased. A lot of people I met were very shallow about life. But hey, that’s God’s gift to them. Simpler mind, happier life.

I will not pursue low-level happiness anymore in my life.

I only pray for the heavenly peace and joy in the coming year 2007 and thereafter.