It's been one year.
That doesn't mean it's any easier.
It only is easier for everybody else.
All lives go on...except ours.
If anything the situation is even harder...
because everyone else has forgotten.
While you struggle to stay normal.
Even now, as people read this, minds will be
wondering, "Shouldn't she be over this already?" Or think "it
has been a WHOLE YEAR"...so?
You don't get over it...you just get used to it,
and sometimes it still feels like a dream...more like a nightmare
Granted, I don't sit in my room and cry all the
time. That doesn't help anyone.
But it happens occasionally. Lying on my bed at
night...thinking. Watching old videos of her: well, sick, and...dead. It's
overwhelming at times. And having a good cry once in a while does help.
I stop and think often, especially today about
whether or not, she'd be proud of what we've done so far. This past year since
she's left us. I like to think she would...
Brio Girl Search 2008 Top 4...I have no doubt
that's because of Lydia and her story, and how God is conveying that story
through me.
Working for sleepless nights, and long hours on
her one year anniversary memorial powerpoint and service. putting in practice
time with kids, trying to put together a musical.
But those are the big things...how about the
little?
I got my summer homework done?
I got my driving license the day of her
anniversary? Perhaps that will bring a smile to her face. :)
I think what would matter to her would be the
attitude we've had since she's gone home. How we've lived. Whether we truly
have lived. I know I always harp on how she lived it all, and how I want to
follow her example. But the grieving that goes on in our house...makes me
wonder whether we're really trying to do just that.
Nonetheless, I face this new school year with a
resolution. She will not be forgotten, because her story is one for the nations
to hear. And God has given me so many awesome opportunities to share it. And I
will. We will.
It's time for us to stop wallowing in grief,
take a step up.
And start living it all.