August 21, 2007, Tuesday

One year anniversary of Lydia’s birthday to Heaven.

It’s a dreadful day to me. Just to think of it would be very scary. Worse than watching a scariest movie of all time alone…

I have been thinking that, wouldn’t it be nice that I could go to bed in the evening of August 20, and wake up in the morning of August 22 ?

Better yet if I could finish my earthly life before this day, then I would not need to go through it.

Could I simply treat it as a normal day, or just another August grieving day?

Many memories came into our mind, especially what happened one year ago…

I know we have been in the prayers of many, especially recent days. Many emails, cards have sent to us. Flower banquets delivered to our doors and Lydia’s grave site. Knowing deeply that we are not alone, and are remembered by many help us greatly.

Last couple days have been OK for us. We praise the Lord for His love and care for us. We felt the prayers have lifted us up.

However, last night, while working on this weekend’s memorial musical (many things need to take care and prepare, and it’s just so difficult to do these), something came up and hit us greatly and we fell to the deep bottom of the abyss. We were so torn last night. It was not pretty at all. It’s definitely the worse place to be in the world. We had terrible sleep last night. Mom hardly slept any. I felt extremely not well since last night…

I managed to go to work today, had terrible headache all day long. Could not eat, and could not feel well even though I tried hard. Not sure what is going on. Just not feel right… It’s the feeling that I may go insane.

Took off from work early to take Esther to the driving test. Praise the Lord, she passed and got her drivers license on the day of Lydia’s one year anniversary. Yes, August 21. That did help cheer us up a little bit.

We got invited to a dear family friends house for dinner. I finally ate the only meal for the day. Spent the night with brothers and sisters in Christ did help a lot.

Yes, God is faithful. At the end, he carried us through the day.

From what I heard and what I read, the second year of grieving would be harder than the first year. I really hope that is not true. The first year has been difficult enough. We barely survived. Tomorrow will be the start of the second year. I wish it could be easier. But I don’t think it would be…

Although the grieving continues, we have the Lord with us.

Although I am still scared for every new day, having the Lord with us, we should be OK.

Most important of all, WE HAVE HOPE for the ETERNITY.