January 8, 2007, Monday

Continue having sadness and deep sorrow in my heart all the time.  Many said this is the normal grieving process, and could last as long as years.  Sounds scary.

I had terrible night last night.  Not able to sleep (maybe I should not take a short nap Sunday afternoon), deep sorrow and heartaches hit me constantly.  I thought I would get crazy if the dawn does not come soon.

I prayed to God to help me all night long.

For a few moments, I thought I fell asleep, but easily woke up by the non-stop nightmares and stomachaches.

 

Amazingly, by God’s grace, I was able to get up and work for the entire day without much problem.  It’s like a miracle.

 

I miss the good old days when Lydia was around and her never-stopping talks.  Seldom got my nerve, most of time got us laughs and amazed about her wit.

 

Then, pain and suffering arrived.  Tremendous loss hit us.  Separation from Lydia is unbearable.  Any new joy seems so trivial, compared with the terrible pain and sorrow.

 

Hold on to God is the best thing I can do everyday.

 

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12,13.

 

And this is my hope…